The Trophy is not The Point
Written on January 29th, 2022
Dear Ruth, it’s morning now and I’m enjoying the weekend. Even early bird wakes up late today. So, after breakfast, I sort stuffs on my desk that I don’t use anymore for at least a year. To be honest cleaning and sorting, as satisfying as the result can be, it’s so tiresome. As I almost done with it, I saw my old trophy that I won from poster ads contest, back when I’m in college. It’s not an achievement, really. It’s really bad. To give you a picture, I just start designing like 2 to 3 hours before the submission deadline. Thus the trophy don’t do justice. And I’ve been asking around the competition committee when I’m invited for the awarding, turns out the panelists is not satisfied but they have no choice, there must be a winner.
But, the heartbreak and disappointment is not my point. Back then, the ads department is fueled with ambition to win prestigious awards. They see it as social status, and it raise their sense of self value, I ride on that wave too. I look at that trophy and comparing all other contest that I work so hard on, some even get me sleepless night, and I never win. But this one only took me 2 to 3 hour, and it “deserve” a trophy? You’ve got to be kidding me. And that’s where the thought comes, Ruth.
It’s so funny that we were putting our self value and social status on something like an award. It doesn’t mean that pursuing something is bad, but where we put our self value is what I concern. I remember the word from my friend back in my college days, it sounded like:
“I believe that we’re good at what we’re doing. But if we’re really good, there must be some proof to it. Why we never win?”
What do you think, Ruth? I think, it’s correct. But the idea of “proof” that day is limited to winning an award.
Today, when I work as professional, that proof varies so much. Whether it’s your sales count, social media engagement, revenue, or how your colleagues review your overall contribution in the last quarter. And I think it impacts you more the closer it is to your touch. If you remember the picture I sent you last week, it’s the screenshot of one of my client thanking me for my work, they feel I’m very helpful. It feels really good. It boosted my self value better than, let’s say, knowing the sales went up 7% since last product update. It can’t compare to the first one. Wouldn’t you agree?
At that moment, I knew that I gave bigger value to those who really know my result and work with me closely. I think they have better view upon me than the faceless crowd. The crowd might boost my professional portfolio and justifies my work, but my self value? I think not. Ruth, you know better. Do you think it’s wiser to put my self value on myself and people who can look at me closely, than things so volatile, can change according to situation, and so many external factor beyond my reach that might alter the result?
Ruth, I think at the end of the day, it’s sorrowful if I give my self-concept to another’s hand but myself. It will get tossed and thrown whenever they feel like it, I have no control over it. Out of topic. I still wonder to this day how you can reveal the lovable side on some person, who I thought I might never find. And when I needed it the most, that person is me. How did you do that? Your skill is just so unfair. You must teach me that someday.
Well, time for lunch! Will write again to you soon.
Truly yours,
